Growing Up is Hard

I was talking to Alisyn tonight, and she told me she was going to be gone for three weeks in St. George. "What am I going to do?!" I exclaimed to her. She said that it would a good time to ease into the aspect of not seeing each other for long periods of time. I nodded, not recognizing consciously what she was talking about. Driving home, though, I realized exactly what she was talking about. She leaves for an internship in January, I'll be student teaching in January, everyone else will be doing their own things in January, and then graduation will hit in April. After April, who knows where we'll all be? We all won't be together, that's for sure. After I realized that, I began to cry silent tears in my car.

Changes are hard, and it is hard to comprehend that friends won't be together anymore. It's hard for me to comprehend that I may not be near any family or friends in a little over a year. Who knows where teaching will take me? I try to be brave and excited about growing up and moving on from my college life, but truthfully, I wish it could be like it is now forever. I know that it can't, but it doesn't make it any easier. I wish I would have treasured each moment more, studied a little less and played a little more, introverted less and reached out more. But I can't go back and relive it, and I won't have those same opportunities in the future. I am sad, but there is nothing I (or anyone else) can do about it. I thought when I was younger that growing up would be easier, but I find that it is harder than I could ever imagine. It's hard to change and to move on to things I never thought would come. But they are here.

In the car, I could just imagine myself sitting alone in an apartment somewhere on a Friday night with nothing to do and no friends to be with. I guess what I'm most afraid of is being alone. The most comforting thought that has come to me is that I'm never alone because Christ is always with me through His Spirit. "You're not alone" seems to be a cheesy theme, but when you really ponder, it is so true. I am grateful for my Savior and Redeemer. I know He lives, and that knowledge is treasured and amazing. Because of His Atonement, I can feel peace and joy every day in my life, no matter the circumstances. He is the source of light and truth. I am nothing without Him. I know my Heavenly Father loves me, and I know He sees the big picture. The experiences I've had and the ones I will have teach me lessons I need to learn. He is so patient with me, and He blesses me every day of my life.

One scripture seems particularly meaingful. I've modified it to fit for me, but the meaning still holds true:

And I will bring Haylee by a way that she knows not; I will lead her in paths that she has not known: I will make darkness light before her, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto her, and not forsake her. (Isaiah 42:16)